The Advent of Armageddon - Stave 2

It's no good. I must be losing my touch. Try as I might, I cannot find fault with Groida's conduct as Santa during the anarchy of the festive float foul-up and make him a scapescorpion. He didn't mean to frighten the kiddies. His writhing contortions and gurning were the result of his efforts to contain a fierce attack of wind brought on by nerves and rather a lot of sprouts and chestnuts.

If anything, he should be lauded for preventing a serious health hazard. But for the Herculean restraint of his gut gases, the outcome - literally - could have been catastrophic and possibly lethal.

There you have it. I can be generous and friendly towards the great lumbering dolt. I hope he remembers this in a few weeks time and lets me play with his train set.

Anyway, the feud between Auntie Pamela and Cheryl the Frighteningly Large Earwig seems to have been resolved. Both have agreed to work in harmony in the galley shaft, as befits the season of goodwill. Uncle Lucas also pointed out that Cheryl's visa has expired and the Home Office might take an interest. Sorted.

Did I tell you that there was a camera crew filming the riot? Hopefully we will turn up in a festive edition of "Brit Cops - Tinsel and Truncheons". Keep yer eyes peeled!