Saturday, April 26, 2014

Diminished Responsibility

Have you ever had sand kicked in your face? I don't mean literally, but something akin to a grumpy confrontation just when you have convinced yourself everything is right and sunny with the world?

Xmas dinner may seem a long time ago now. It was a classic example of family unity, complete with fisticuffs and bad language but Team A hoped that the Easter festivities wou...ld turn out to be a more positive experience in the light of spring.

Well. that worked. Our wounds are only now healing and our collective motto is "Never Again".

Three Mega-Scorpions acting in counsel, to be specific. What a farce! Groida (that should tell you a lot before I continue) along with his Auntie Pamela and Uncle Lucas has decided that the current Bourbon Presidium overrides all previous rulings. Biscuits from Poundland swayed the decision. So that's okay then. We leave all those cans of fruit bobbing about on the waves off the Cornish coast. Words fail me and I feel like doing a tantrum tiddle.

In an era when the issue of food waste is at the forefront of public discussion, I feel that the sheer irresponsibility of those sad, twisted buggers contributes to the problem and highlights the debate. You know the type. They only get up of a morning determined to ruin some smiling bod's day.

Y Nauci 14 can blow away a platoon before you can say "harmomium". I have a spare set of keys and I am not in a forgiving mood. I am going to get myself hyper on bags of strawberry laces and cola bottles before I exact my revenge.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

IM4Ambrose

Have you seen the latest poo sack of those ghastly, common Freeview channels we are being encouraged to re-tune to at present? Sod the lot, drop into "Ambrose TV" and get busy and smart, you hippies and swingers!

Groida has a Zumba class on "Daytime Mega-Scorpion Ladies" (when he can be bothered to shift his lazy carcass after the crack of noon). No injury claims accepted.

Auntie Pamela's "Big Burp-Off" is similarly exempt from damage to gullet, anus and all points inbetween. Tell the polis nothing, even under torture.

Uncle Lucas's "Do It Yourself Before Others Have a Go" has been suppressed by the authorities.

Bro Mordecai is making a spectacle of himself, with his one-mantis tribute to US TV from the ancient of days (Lucille Bark, The Lone Amoeba, Dragplankton, The Beverley Carbonised-Teabillies).

It is rare that I can sit back, doze and experience such a fiasco without getting involved. Pass me a sherbet fountain, someone!