Vengeance is Mine
What is wrong with people these days? I was sampling some kumquats and a cantaloupe from the greengrocer's display and he hit me with a broom. When I tried to poke his eyes out a passing vicar grabbed hold of one of my legs and called me an abomination in the sight of God. Very Christian, I must say. Sunday will be a Dies Irae after I've climbed the church spire and done my business all over the congregation. Plague Number Eleven, courtesy of the Main Mantis!
10 May
Took the harmonium out for an early morning spin on the Downs. Handles the terrain well, but two of the Gatling guns are out of sync. Resisted the temptation to test fire the ejector seat as I haven't checked the chute for moth holes. Just placed my order with Wasps 'r' Us for Derby Day
12 May
Let me make it clear that I do not like peach slices, in syrup or juice. They are slithery and smell of feet. Why on earth, then, should I attempt to steal several dozen crates of them, as is being claimed? I was only looking for a mouse that had gone into the warehouse and I was worried it would get run over by a fork lift truck. Tea with my best fiend Groida the Mega-Scorpion turned into a fantastic bundle. It started with an argument over the nutritional value of cucumber sandwiches and ended with me knocking him out cold with a fence post. Can't wait for the re-match!
13 May
The Harcerki Koniczynki are on my trail!
The Polish Girl Guides, working on behalf of their government, have been asking questions about my whereabouts and that of a consignment of bottled plums in brandy. I hope I have thrown them off my scent.
Groida's attempts to make fuel for my harmonium out of blackberry & apple pie filling resulted in him blowing the roof off his garden shed laboratory. Pages from an alchemical treatise and incriminating tin labels were strewn all over the place like confetti. When it comes to solving the energy crisis, he is a prize knob.
14 May
Groida has finally been rescued from a tree nearly a mile away, in which he became entangled after yesterday's explosion. Apparently he survived on a packet of Chewits he had with him and kept his spirits up by verbally abusing passers-by.
13 May
The Harcerki Koniczynki are on my trail!
The Polish Girl Guides, working on behalf of their government, have been asking questions about my whereabouts and that of a consignment of bottled plums in brandy. I hope I have thrown them off my scent.
Groida's attempts to make fuel for my harmonium out of blackberry & apple pie filling resulted in him blowing the roof off his garden shed laboratory. Pages from an alchemical treatise and incriminating tin labels were strewn all over the place like confetti. When it comes to solving the energy crisis, he is a prize knob.
14 May
Groida has finally been rescued from a tree nearly a mile away, in which he became entangled after yesterday's explosion. Apparently he survived on a packet of Chewits he had with him and kept his spirits up by verbally abusing passers-by.
...and there is more. A lot more to come!
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