[Originally posted on Facebook 12/02/14]
The noble and fearless Team Ambrose has rallied to the cause of allieviating suffering and loss, following the flooding in local communities. We have managed to get hold of lots of stuff just left floating with nobody claiming a bean of it. Honest. It's all in me notebook, aided by a Polaroid camera, a big torch that does red, white and green signals and a watch that even shows seconds. All kosher. You can't fault us on technicalities. Nobody has asked for the return of goods. Go on, take us to court and see what bloody happens.
We are astounded by how much valuable flotsam survived the storms and came our way, miraculously protected by fate, bobbing about on a river of diluted plops and wee, in flimsy cardboard boxes with open lids. As our Technical Director, perhaps I should have paid more attention to tales of Archimedes and his Multi-Coloured Ark at Sunday School instead of concocting various formulae for explosive devices, but I still managed to figure it out. Actually, all we needed was a big net.
Our gallant crew has taken into protective custody an estimated 500 packs of toilet tissue. Time is of the essence. They will need swift dispatch from Shaft 6 if they are to avoid spoiling in the the damp conditions. The home fixture between Padstow Rovers and Blairgowrie Winkies is set for Saturday and one could hardly disappoint frenzied fans determined to bombard the opposition with streamers by supplying something more akin to a sleet of papier mache, the vile mess clogging up players and pitch alike. Hardly sporting, eh?
If the game is called off, we'll keep the bog rolls for Ambrose Day (March 5th, don't forget) and if dry enough, start a conflagration not seen since Nero went into one. Y Nauci 14 remains throbbing and guffing in hovercraft mode (how else are we to ferry in essential supplies of chews, lollies and big boxes of Jaffa cakes from Poundland?), but Uncle Lucas may have other ideas, judging by his disturbing expression and indecipherable mutterings ...
You think I sleep easily? Ha!
The noble and fearless Team Ambrose has rallied to the cause of allieviating suffering and loss, following the flooding in local communities. We have managed to get hold of lots of stuff just left floating with nobody claiming a bean of it. Honest. It's all in me notebook, aided by a Polaroid camera, a big torch that does red, white and green signals and a watch that even shows seconds. All kosher. You can't fault us on technicalities. Nobody has asked for the return of goods. Go on, take us to court and see what bloody happens.
We are astounded by how much valuable flotsam survived the storms and came our way, miraculously protected by fate, bobbing about on a river of diluted plops and wee, in flimsy cardboard boxes with open lids. As our Technical Director, perhaps I should have paid more attention to tales of Archimedes and his Multi-Coloured Ark at Sunday School instead of concocting various formulae for explosive devices, but I still managed to figure it out. Actually, all we needed was a big net.
Our gallant crew has taken into protective custody an estimated 500 packs of toilet tissue. Time is of the essence. They will need swift dispatch from Shaft 6 if they are to avoid spoiling in the the damp conditions. The home fixture between Padstow Rovers and Blairgowrie Winkies is set for Saturday and one could hardly disappoint frenzied fans determined to bombard the opposition with streamers by supplying something more akin to a sleet of papier mache, the vile mess clogging up players and pitch alike. Hardly sporting, eh?
If the game is called off, we'll keep the bog rolls for Ambrose Day (March 5th, don't forget) and if dry enough, start a conflagration not seen since Nero went into one. Y Nauci 14 remains throbbing and guffing in hovercraft mode (how else are we to ferry in essential supplies of chews, lollies and big boxes of Jaffa cakes from Poundland?), but Uncle Lucas may have other ideas, judging by his disturbing expression and indecipherable mutterings ...
You think I sleep easily? Ha!
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