Ambrose the Colossal Praying Mantis

Friday, August 12, 2011

S is for Strawberry Jam.
An essential component of the clotted cream tea.

Posted by Ambrose at 12:08 PM

Ambrose: I am 25ft tall, green, supposedly with "criminal tendencies" but nothing has ever been proven. I sometimes travel, for purposes of convenience, with the assumed identity of Hoyt Cunderthorst, a drainage engineer from Winnipeg. As a tiny wee insect I was washed ashore, along with my brother Mordecai, from a shipwreck off the Cornish coast. The local tin miners took pity on us and raised us as their own. We were shown great kindness, and thrived on a diet of pasties, clotted cream teas and nonconformist chapel meetings. Unfortunately, due to the relentless feeding and prolonged exposure to the naturally occuring Radon gas in the area, we both mutated into giants and went a bit peculiar. Mordecai keeps a low profile (not easy when you are 25ft tall) down a mine shaft, while I lurk around the Home Counties, practising on my armoured, amphibious harmonium in preparation for a world tour. No boundary will be safe. P.S. I do not traffic in stolen canned fruit. That is libel. Anyway, it was Mordecai, not me.

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