As I was making final adjustments to the prototype Ambrose action figure (i.e. trying to stop its head falling off), Groida sidled up to me and explained that he had discovered why Esperanto had never caught on as a universal language. I am sure he chooses his moments with great deliberation and malicious glee.
I had instructed him to design and build a new ground-to-air missile system for the harmonium in the mistaken belief that it would keep him from under all my feet for some considerable time. I should have known better.
Anyway, he reckons that a 21st century lingo shouldn't be "too Spanish" and intends to create one based mainly on Gaelic and Japanese, called Ohara. True, there could be a big publishing deal, but finding the books piled high in 99p shops in a year's time might be more than my normally robust spirit could endure.
I have tried to gently discourage him, with comments such as "naff off, you deluded cretin" but as yet to no avail. Every time he scuttles past he enquires "habla Ohara?" and on one occasion my nerve went and I hit him with Wee Ambrose, whose head shot off yet again. Perhaps I should fashion a Groida doll, stick pins in it and hope for the best.
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